I had an incident with a Brazil Nut...

It tried to take my life...

But alas

It did not prevail.

Hi Lovey 🫶🏼 (luv-e)

I tell You a short story.

Let Me set the scene.

It's Christmas, I'm 7 years old.

My Father and I are cracking the shells off Brazil Nuts together on the dining table.

Something we did the year before too.

Nothing different. Or so I thought...

I sucked my thumb when I was younger

(This is self soothing, according to Freud. Whatever).

Back to the story.

Thumb goes in my mouth. Normal behaviour.

My lip tingles. Odd.

My lip swells. Very odd.

My Mother takes a look.

Yes. Something is not normal.

Felt like my lip was three times the size, without being punched.

Know what I mean?

Hospital visit.

Allergy tests.

Conclusion: Rachael is allergic to nuts.

Very allergic.

Doctor: "Here's a syringe with adrenaline, in case ingested.

Carry it with You at all times.

Stay. Away. From all nuts."

Cool.

So

For years I lived in fear that I would die if I so much as inhaled the scent of a nut.

My Mother over cautious (naturally).

Peanuts and Brazils being the lethal weapon.

Until recently.

Two years ago, after the inquest into my Daughters death was concluded. I booked a one way flight out of England. I needed to retreat.

To heal.

To breathe.

First stop, Kenya.

I visited an incredible Woman named Janet.

I dived right into the pain of child loss, grief, and everything I'd been holding onto the past years. Childhood related, mostly.

I allowed myself to let it all go.

A s l o w and gentle process.

Confronting, nonetheless.

Janet held space for Me to surrender.

To f e e l.

To see what needed attention.

As we talked, I explained that I was travelling to Thailand after.

Nuts are used a lot in the cooking over there.

Instant fear.

Tension in the body.

Risk assessment happening in the Mind.

Turns out, Janet is Magic.

Somehow, we unpacked that the allergy was related to the Christmas scene I just told You about.

Because I wasn't born with an allergy to nuts.

It was created.

And I carried it.

In my backpack of fear.

Anyway, Janet performed Magic.

Allergy no longer present.

Travelled to Thailand.

Ate Pad Thai and Papaya Salad, both with peanut.

Zero reaction.

Interesting.

I went on to test all the other nuts.

At my own risk of course.

Because

I am the Queen of FIAFO. (F**k it and find out)

However

Brazil Nuts and I never crossed passed since 1997.

Until two days ago.

And here's where it gets more interesting. To Me at least.

Picture this.

I'm in Germany.

(I don't speak or read German by the way.)

In a supermarket looking at nuts.

Trying to find the ones I like the best, based on a picture alone.

I wanted a pack with cashews, almonds, hazelnuts, walnuts and preferably macadamias too because they are just w o w.

I find one that looks like what I want.

Perfect.

Back at the apartment.

Rip open the packet.

Pour a handful into my palm.

Not paying that much attention to the large Brazil that stands out against the other small ones.

It's pretty big...

Anyway,

Hand to mouth.

Down the hatch.

Yum.

Normal.

Walk to the bedroom.

I notice something.

Something familiar

A sensation.

In the mouth.

My mouth.

Oo.

I know this, I thought.

My mouth tingled.

My throat felt stingy with every swallow.

I drink some water.

Actually, I drank a lot of water.

I ate some tomatoes which were on the kitchen counter.

I thought, I can override this.

I will override this.

I have to override this.

Because today is not the day to be at Heavens Gate.

God can wait.

I have things to do.

I haven't met my Man yet.

Ah, I digress.

Back to the story.

I knew what I needed to do in the moment.

Sit down.

Breathe

And o b s e r v e what was happening in my body.

Not naming it.

Just watching.

Calmly

With my own inner power at the forefront.

Fear can wait.

I am more than that.

I am the owner of this vehicle (Body)

And

I am the one who can override this program (Mind)

Well, what followed was nothing short of a miracle, to tell You the truth.

I survived.

Never thought the devil would shape shift into a Brazil Nut, but life is full of surprises I guess.

Allergy program overridden in the Mind first.

The body reacted, I won't deny that.

And it was uncomfortable.

Felt like a I'd swallowed a stone actually.

I felt the energy. Tight, and dense.

Move s l o w l y down my wind pipe (I will not even attempt to spell the medical name, do that yourself. Respectfully).

And it made Me feel unwell too.

Had plans for a photoshoot that afternoon but I noticed all I wanted to do was go to bed, Relax my body that had just fought to stay alive.

The Risk Manager inside of Me took a trip to the pharmacy for antihistamines.

Because to be clear, I work with plants 90% of the time.

10% allows for emergency medical intervention.

This fitted the 10%.

Long story.

In short.

Brazil Nuts + Me = Slightly unsafe.

And what I take from this is a few things.

Some honest reflections coming in now.

If Brazil Nuts are related to my Daddy Issues (lol, I know how odd that sounds to some).

And my Daddy Issues cause Me pain still.

Then perhaps I have some more unpacking to do...

Or,

Clinically

I cannot eat them.

Whatever.

Not a big deal.

Devil works hard.

But He doesn't know Me anymore...

I've changed.

Nice try.